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One afternoon, I'm sitting on a balcony with my laptop while listening to a relaxing ocean sound that I play from Youtube. The wind blows and gently moves the tree branches in front of me. It also slowly dries the clothes that I washed and hung on a rope an hour ago. The sun shines brightly as ever in this city. It is peacefully tranquilizing my mind as if I'm on a vacation in a remote tropical island. I can see the blue sky and some birds flying somewhere. I wish they could take me with them flying to places because I'm sadly stuck here. Just like everyone else in the world, I'm trying to survive a severe pandemic that has invaded us for seven months. This virus that we all can't see is definitely a serious outbreak. It has been transmitted to 17 million people around the world and more than 650,000 people died because of it. The worst thing is that we don't know when this misery will be over. Well, the vaccines are being made but it won't probably ready until next year which also still a finger crossed.

I've been staying home most of the time for the past four months but it feels like forever. The first few weeks were okay, I kind of enjoyed it because I could be home and chill all days. It felt like the perfect moment to be more with myself and do the things I had always wanted to do but no time for it. I managed to do some great stuff, like organizing my photos from the USA and upload them on Google Drive, which had taken me some time to finally completed it. Besides that, I also did more journaling, meditation, and completed some Netflix shows in order to keep my sanity. However, in the next few weeks, I started to feel some kind of intense emotion. Somehow I felt helplessly isolated, tired, sad, lonely, anxious, overwhelmed, miserable, and all the bad feelings mixed. But those are normal feelings that people naturally have in this difficult circumstance. I'm convinced that I wasn't the only person in this world who felt that way, in fact, most of my friends that I talked to also did. It has been a devastating situation for most of us. Even to this moment, I still find it challenging to cope with what has been going on both physically and mentally. Some days I feel okay like I'm just going with the flow, but other days when anxiety hits me I feel terrible and lost. It's intensely overwhelming and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm running out of ways to entertain myself at home. Netflix and Facetime no longer help. I guess I'm kind of fatigue with the screen. The city isn't in lockdown, so actually, I can just go out to places if I want to. But the fact that the deadly virus is obviously still out there and I'm unfortunately not immortal so I better not to risk my life.


A lot of times I feel disheartened and unmotivated which leads me to do nothing but grieve. It's funny because I sort of lack of sleep where I actually have more free time for sleeping. Insomnia has been a major issue in the past four months. I can go on with the list of the issues I've been dealing but it won't take me anywhere. On optimistic days, I'm grateful for so many wonderful things in life regardless of the unfortunate matters that happen in between. Grateful is truly an ultimate remedy for every bad moment in life because it trains you to look at the positive things and makes you appreciate more. On good days I daydream of the world is back to normal again where we can go out safely and do things normally. I really look forward to the days where I can hang out to places without a mask, dine in at my favorite restaurants, travel for an enjoyable vacation, normally socialize face-to-face with people, and many more things I'd love to do in a normal and safe manner. But in the meantime let's just bear with all of these a little longer and have faith that fantastic days are coming...